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Pat's dramatic suicide attempt proves that there may indeed be life after death, especially if you don't kill yourself hard enough.
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Lord, why is there only one set of footprints in
the sand? Because Pat hates the beach.
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It's a long way to the top if you want to rock and roll.
But Pat Freestone will meet you half-way.
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We need to talk. It's not you--it's Pat. On second thought,
maybe it is you.
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Hey--is that Freestone Rock, man? Well turn it up, man!
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Let there be drums. Let there be guitars. Let there be
earplugs.
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A run-in with a local crack dealer brings Pat face to face with death...and some of life's tough questions.
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Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach termites.
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Pat's homeless pal Sonny is one bad motherfucker of invention.
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Come and knock on our door. We've been waiting for you. Actually, we thought you were someone else. Please go away.
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Remember how much it hurt when your fourth grade crush didn’t give you a Valentine? Well, that person died of lung cancer in 1992!
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A new year, a new leaf, a new calendar featuring the hilarious antics of Garfield.
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A stint at the local soup kitchen teaches Pat more about the homeless than he ever needed to know.
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Pat Freestone: abducted by aliens!
Freakishly large cranium. Cold, greyish skin. Giant, lifeless eyes. And wait 'til you see what the aliens look like!
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Pat works out his issues and racks up frequent flyer miles with some cross-country therapy.
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Pat finally finds the girl of his dreams...just in time for a rude awakening.
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Join Pat as he goes looking for love the old-fashioned way--via the internet! |
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Freefall becomes windfall as Pat's best friend splatters himself all
over
the pavement, and gives Pat a hundred-thousand new reasons to live! |
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For Pat Freestone, nothing beats hitting the bar after a hard day's work--except maybe hitting the bar instead of a hard day's work.
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BuyTShirtsNowBuyTShirtsNowBuyTShirtsNowBuyTShirtsNow
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Assistant Night Manager of a video store might seem like a boring job--and nowhere is this more true than at Big Screen Video. |
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Like most middle-aged men living alone on the brink of sanity, Pat can compile one hell of a list. Take a look at some of his favorite topics. |
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Pat knows movies, and Pat knows Do-Rags. And he's counting down the Top 5 of All Time just for you. |
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Find out what happens when a routine hernia operation puts Pat out of commission, and gives his Big Screen nemesis a chance to run the store all by herself! |
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Women: Pat can't live with them, Pat can't live without them. And Pat's not even sure what that means. |
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A night on the town turns into a nightmare in hell when Pat ventures into the seedy world of live nude entertainment. Warning: explicit content. |
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Pat takes on Big Tobacco, and quickly learns why smoking is the absolute pinnacle of human acheivement. |
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Can Pat Freestone reclaim his title of Video Game Champion? Not without a little practice, and a lot of heroin! |
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Experience the terror firsthand as Pat's innocent attempt at performance enhancement goes terribly, terribly wrong. |
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Pigeons, Iron Chef recipes and giant fiberglass penis cars. Those are just a few of the things on Pat Freestone's mind. |
