Pat Freestone

Pat Freestone is a video store clerk from Puyallup, Washington. He currently resides in Yonkers, New York, where he is employed as Night Assistant Manager at Big Screen Video. His hobbies include watching movies, surfing the internet, and compensating for his astigmatism. Pat, age 43, is currently single. He is totally not gay.






Pat's dramatic suicide attempt proves that there may indeed be life after death, especially if you don't kill yourself hard enough.

Lord, why is there only one set of footprints in the sand? Because Pat hates the beach.

It's a long way to the top if you want to rock and roll. But Pat Freestone will meet you half-way.

We need to talk. It's not you--it's Pat. On second thought, maybe it is you.

Hey--is that Freestone Rock, man? Well turn it up, man!

Let there be drums. Let there be guitars. Let there be earplugs.

A run-in with a local crack dealer brings Pat face to face with death...and some of life's tough questions.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach termites.

Pat's homeless pal Sonny is one bad motherfucker of invention.

Come and knock on our door. We've been waiting for you. Actually, we thought you were someone else. Please go away.

Remember how much it hurt when your fourth grade crush didnít give you a Valentine? Well, that person died of lung cancer in 1992!

A new year, a new leaf, a new calendar featuring the hilarious antics of Garfield.

A stint at the local soup kitchen teaches Pat more about the homeless than he ever needed to know.

Pat Freestone: abducted by aliens!
Freakishly large cranium. Cold, greyish skin. Giant, lifeless eyes. And wait 'til you see what the aliens look like!

Pat works out his issues and racks up frequent flyer miles with some cross-country therapy.

Pat finally finds the girl of his dreams...just in time for a rude awakening.

Join Pat as he goes looking for love the old-fashioned way--via the internet!

Freefall becomes windfall as Pat's best friend splatters himself all over the pavement, and gives Pat a hundred-thousand new reasons to live!

For Pat Freestone, nothing beats hitting the bar after a hard day's work--except maybe hitting the bar instead of a hard day's work.

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Assistant Night Manager of a video store might seem like a boring job--and nowhere is this more true than at Big Screen Video.

Like most middle-aged men living alone on the brink of sanity, Pat can compile one hell of a list. Take a look at some of his favorite topics.

Pat knows movies, and Pat knows Do-Rags. And he's counting down the Top 5 of All Time just for you.

Find out what happens when a routine hernia operation puts Pat out of commission, and gives his Big Screen nemesis a chance to run the store all by herself!

Women: Pat can't live with them, Pat can't live without them. And Pat's not even sure what that means.

A night on the town turns into a nightmare in hell when Pat ventures into the seedy world of live nude entertainment. Warning: explicit content.

Pat takes on Big Tobacco, and quickly learns why smoking is the absolute pinnacle of human acheivement.

Can Pat Freestone reclaim his title of Video Game Champion? Not without a little practice, and a lot of heroin!

Experience the terror firsthand as Pat's innocent attempt at performance enhancement goes terribly, terribly wrong.

Pigeons, Iron Chef recipes and giant fiberglass penis cars. Those are just a few of the things on Pat Freestone's mind.