Pat Freestone

Love Hurts

February 3, 2004

Clicky is sound asleep in the back bedroom, and Sonny is out looking for scrap metal, so it’s the perfect time for me to dim the lights and slip into something sexy. Like

Pat Freestone’s Pre-Valentine’s Day Romantic Fantasy Land

There I was, just minding my own business in the Jacuzzi, when all of a sudden, the new neighbor shows up. She introduces herself as Tammi, and asks if I would mind if she joins me. I say, "well, I was kind of enjoying the peace and quiet, but if you really have to, I guess it’s a free country."

So she proceeds to remove her robe, and I soon realize that she’s not wearing anything underneath it.

So I get the hell out of there!

Pat Freestone

February 4, 2004

You’re toxic, and I’m slippin’ under here at

Pat Freestone’s Pre-Valentine’s Day Romantic Fantasy Land

A while back, I was hitch-hiking from Phoenix, Arizona all the way to Tacoma, when I managed to flag down two girls in a flat bed Ford—my Lord!

They introduced themselves as Sandy and Melina, and as we pulled back onto the highway, they inquired as to what a good-lookin’ guy like me was doing alone out on the side of the road. I tried to explain to them that I was on my way to visit my Mother in Puyallup, but before I could give a full account of my itinerary, Melina, the one who wasn’t at the wheel, reached down and undid my dungarees.

Sandy made some comment along the lines of, "if you expect us to give you a ride, you better be ready to go all the way," and pulled her pink tank-top off to reveal her well-tanned breasts. Melina then shouted, "whoo-haw!" and thrust her hand into my BVDs.

Thinking quickly, I turned to kiss Melina. Noticing that neither of the young ladies was wearing a seatbelt, I discreetly latched mine around my waist. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a large cactus coming up on the right. I reached over, grabbed the wheel, and spun it hard towards the giant prickly succulent. On impact, the girls were knocked unconscious, and I was able to run for help.


Pat Freestone

February 5, 2004

You know you love it here at

Pat Freestone’s Pre-Valentine’s Day Romantic Fantasy Land

One Saturday night, I found myself down at Lucky Lou’s, a local watering hole famous for its long pours and short tempers. The bartender there, Ann, was celebrating her 40th birthday, and the regulars had decided to throw her a little soiree.

Ann, who could easily pass for 25, was a tall, raven-haired beauty with a knockout figure and a fondness for tight clothes. Her birthday outfit was no exception, and Ann was a sight to behold in her red leather mini skirt, fishnet stockings and platform heels. A few trustworthy regulars took over the barkeeping duties, and Ann spent most of the night dominating the pool table, fighting off advances from the locals, and tossing back respectable amounts of beer and whiskey.

By last call, the bar had pretty much cleared out, and Ann and I were finishing one last game of pool. After the last customer left, Ann locked up the front door and began to close out the register. She commented that she was so drunk that she could barely tell the tens from the twenties. I decided to give her a hand by wiping down the tables and busing all the empty glasses. Ann was very appreciative.

I dragged a large bag of trash out back to the dumpster, and when I returned, Ann was lying back on the pool table, wearing nothing but her fishnets and heels.

"I think we have time for one more," she giggled. I stood there in shock. Ann licked her lips and smiled at me. There was no way I was getting out of there. So I chalked up the old Balabushka and made love to that drink-slinging slut ‘till the cows came home.

Come on! It was her birthday!

Pat Freestone

February 6, 2004

I guess there’s no harm in taking one last, impractical, ill-advised trip to

Pat Freestone’s Pre-Valentine’s Day Romantic Fantasy Land

I met Allison through a friend of a friend, and right away, the two of us hit it off. We never dated, per se, but there was always an undercurrent of mutual attraction going on between us. I would see Allison occasionally when I would attend dinners or other social functions, but we never seemed to be alone long enough to ask each other out on a proper date.

One night, while driving home from work, I noticed someone waving at me at a stoplight. Lo and behold, it was Allison. We pulled over and decided to grab a bite to eat at a new Mexican restaurant we both wanted to try.

Almost immediately, we were engaged in flirtatious conversation. After a few margaritas, things got even more personal. Finally, unable to contain my enthusiasm, I blurted out, "I am so terribly attracted to you, I don’t even mind that you have ‘cankles’."

Apparently, my bold advance struck a nerve. Maybe she had been hurt before. Maybe she had a fear of intimacy. Maybe she was thrown off by my honesty. In any case, the date pretty much fell apart after that, even though the mole sauce was excellent.

Oh well.

Pat Freestone

February 9, 2004

Pat Freestone

February 10, 2004

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February 11, 2004

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February 12, 2004

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February 13, 2004

Pat Freestone