Pat Freestone

Re-inventing Sonny






March 8, 2004

You all know that Pat Freestone isnít one to clog his blog with all sorts of pop-up ads and product plugs, but in this case, I felt I could let the rules slide a little bit. You may recall that my roommate Sonny is somewhat of an inventor. Well, this week, I plan on letting him use my humble little acre of the World Wide Web to showcase some of his product innovations. Enjoy.

BRAND-NEW INVENTED STUFF
by Sonny



The Losiní Weight Plate


This heres a plate where you have pictures of all sorts of fat people on it, so when you start eatin the food, you can start to see the fat people + it pretty much makes you wanna stop eatin right then + there. I donít think its dishwasher safe so you best wash her by hand.

Patent # 008-9111-4656

Pat Freestone


March 9, 2004

BRAND-NEW INVENTED STUFF
by Sonny



The Spank-O-Dex


Some times you wanna get intamint with yourself + you cant find your favarite naked pictures, so this heres a way to keep all your pornografic materials all sorted out. You can divide em into the kinds you like + it only takes one hand to spin to the next one. It works for lefties or righties. I think Im gonna invent a bracket so you can clamp her on to the shower or laundry hamper or wherever you like to mess yourself.

Patent # 009-7333-1786

Pat Freestone


March 10, 2004

BRAND-NEW INVENTED STUFF
by Sonny



The Double Decker Taco


Now hold it right there cause I know what your thinkin. Your thinkin this aint a double decker taco, itís a chalupa + it donít matter anyway cause they was both invented by taco bell + not by some damn old ex-con who used to live in a abandoned car. Well I got news for you because I did invent my own double-decker taco back in 82 when I wanted to keep the hardshell from bustin up in my hand so I took some refried beans and glued a flour tortilla around that motherfucker. The only reason this heres is a picture of a chalupa is cause they donít take pictures of double decker tacos sense they discontinud them. I was gonna cook one up + take a picture of it to show you all but Pat took away my stove privaleges after he caught me cookin up some crack rocks on it. But donít think for one motherfuckin minute that I didnít invent the double decker taco. I sure did.

Patent Pending

Pat Freestone


March 11, 2004

BRAND-NEW INVENTED STUFF
by Sonny



The Dum-Cell


Two things that people lose their fuckin minds over is exercising machines and talkin on the damn cell phones. So thatís how I come up with this one here. Itís a phone that you can work out with. So while your yammerin on about some gossip or tellin somebody what you ate for lunch you can get in shape also. Pretty much self-explanatary.

Patent #345-8122-9410

Pat Freestone


March 12, 2004

BRAND-NEW INVENTED STUFF
by Sonny



The Super Magic 8-Bong


You know how sometimes your smokin reefer + you donít know if you want to smoke more or if your good? Well thatís where my Super Magic 8-Bong comes in. Theres this little plastic triangle with different messgaes on it inside the 8 ball. What you do is, you take a toke + the bubbling action makes the plastic triangle thing spin around in the bong water. Then if you cant decide weather you want another hit or not you look at the little plastic thing + it will tell you things like NO WAY or TRY AGAIN or IT IS DEFINITELY SO. Then you know what to do automatically. I can tell you it is right almost a hunderd percent of the time.

Patent #772-9710-8326

Pat Freestone


March 15, 2004

EVEN MORE BRAND-NEW INVENTED STUFF
by Sonny



Tenis Ball Organizer


Maybe you play tenis or you have a dog that likes to fetch tenis balls. In either case you know how they can get lost. So with this organizer you can keep em all in one place + you wont have to wonder what happened to your balls.

Patent #353-189-2

Pat Freestone


March 16, 2004

Attention web visitors:

Effective immediately, on-line coverage of

EVEN MORE BRAND-NEW INVENTED STUFF
by Sonny



will be cancelled due to the following reasons:

-lack of interest
-copyright infringement
-trademark infringement
-misleading claims
-patent fraud
-hearsay
-conflict of interest
-violation of state law
-violation of federal law
-health hazards
-gross negligence
-poor judgement
-public outcry
-conspiracy
-breach of FCC regulation
-very irate complaint e-mail from Millicent Danvers of White Bluff, Colorado


But not because it wasnít great. Because it was.

Sorry, Sonny.

Pat Freestone