*EUSTACE was born on a rooftop in one of Brooklyn's most dangerous neighborhoods. Thus, he often acts out in what could be described as a "ghetto mentality!"
*EUSTACE has a very small head!
*EUSTACE likes to drink "shirt milk" by suckling and drooling on the collars of people's shirts!
*When EUSTACE sits, he looks like an orange bowling ball!
*EUSTACE likes to make chirping sounds in an attempt to hypnotize nearby birds!
*EUSTACE attacks CHEESE all the live-long day!
*EUSTACE is an Irish name shared by the distinguished icon character from the New Yorker!
*EUSTACE is fascinated by water drips!
*Almost immediately, EUSTACE displayed the abilities of a world-class, champion mouser!
*Nobody likes the way EUSTACE hides behind the couch and attacks the backs of people's heads while they try to watch DVDs!
*EUSTACE is a very good boy, except when he is not, which is most of the time.
*SME once tipped the scales at an astounding 26 lbs.!
*SME is 19 years old! That's like 200 to you and me!
*It is not known whether or not SME has ever had sex.
*SME is short for "Smelroy" a derivative of the name "Elroy."
*SME's ridiculous given name is "Cheech." His sister (whereabouts unknown) was named "Chong." Little is known about SME's original owner(s), other than the fact that they were irresponsible and probably liked to lay around and smoke weed all day.
*SME has over 40 nicknames, including "Moof," "Pester Puss" and "F.A.T."
*The most common mispronunciation of SME’s name is "Schmee."
*SME was de-clawed by his original owner. To this day, he still suffers from "ghost claws."
*SME has appeared on MTV in Latvia, in a show called "The U.S. Top 20." This is not a joke; it is a true fact.
*SME always faces West when he pees.
*SME was adopted from the ASPCA in Houston, Texas, just a few hours before his scheduled termination. And yet, he still has the nerve to caterwaul when his dinner is not served on time.
*SME has friends and acquaintances in Los Angeles, San Francisco, Seattle, Nashville, Australia, and parts of Texas and the U.K.
*SME's favorite dish is bacon. He also enjoys smoked turkey, hamburger, ice cream, baby food, Kraft Singles, and a wide variety of Frito-Lay products.
*SME generally does not enjoy 9 Lives brand cat food.
*SME will only drink from a human water glass; he will not drink from a pet bowl. He will, however, occasionally drink from the toilet bowl.
*SME can carry around up to 1 tablespoon of cat litter between his toes.
*SME sleeps almost constantly.
*When he lived in Manhattan’s East Village, SME kept a "hovel" under the bed where he could go to be alone. This is where SME kept his extra food and sundries.
*SME once had a brief friendship with a Pug dog named "Lunch." The relationship soured after SME batted Lunch in the nose.
*SME, like most living things, craves warmth and does not enjoy being made fun of.
*SME’s favorite cat toy is called "Mr. Boo-Boo." Mr. Boo-Boo is an eight-year-old flattened cat nip bag in the shape of a German Shepherd’s head.
*SME likes to be taken on "sniffing tours," where he is lifted up and carried around and allowed to sniff things that are too high up for him to reach on his own.
*SME likes to be made up in the bed.
*Although part Siamese, SME was once classified by animal shelter workers as a "Champagne Tabby."
*SME will huff and sigh if he is annoyed or displeased.
*SME only has, like, 3 teeth.
*The surface of SME's nose varies from bone dry to glistening wet, depending on time of day, relative humidity, and angle of sleeping position.
*SME once stole an entire turkey leg off the grill at a backyard barbecue.
*SME singed off half his whiskers in 1998 while smelling a lit aromatherapy candle.
*When he feels content, SME will coo like a pigeon until he nods off.
*Sometimes, SME will wake up and not know exactly where he is.
*SME's adopted brother, CHEESE, was taken away from his mother too early, and as a result is slightly "off." However, he is such a good boy.
*CHEESE can't meow, except under extreme duress.
*When CHEESE and SME were relocated to Brooklyn in the Spring of 2000, CHEESE climbed into the very back of a cupboard above the refrigerator and didn't emerge for almost three days. SME didn't really care.
*Most people who know CHEESE and SME feel that SME unfairly gets all the attention. What they don't realize is, that's the way CHEESE likes it.
*CHEESE, like his brother SME, likes to sit in a steamy bathroom while the shower is in use.
*CHEESE has a benign tumor on his right ear. It's somewhat unattractive, but the veterinary alternative involves amputating half his head.
*CHEESE and SME regularly clean each other's faces in a mutual licking motion. The process, while utterly adorable and heartwarming to watch, often escalates into vicious fighting.
*CHEESE likes to regulate his digestion by eating wheat grass and then barfing on the floor. The warning cries he lets out before such a regurgitation are among the most frightening, blood-curdling moans ever created by a feline.
*CHEESE sharpens his claws on any convenient canvas-like surface.
*CHEESE's hips sway curiously when he walks.
*If you can’t find CHEESE, he’s probably under the bed or in the closet.
*CHEESE is more than 16 years old, but you'd never know it to look at him.
*CHEESE's nose has three colors, earning him the nickname "Tri-Colore."
*Some of CHEESE’s other nicknames include "Can-Can," "Brak," and "Pie Face."
*CHEESE can stand up on his hind legs, like a Lemur.
*CHEESE will puff out the fur on his face when he is chilly.
*One of CHEESE's whiskers inexplicably grows in a complete curl.
*CHEESE is terrified of large, open spaces.
*CHEESE loves human feet. He gets so excited around toes that he will nuzzle and nip at them practically 100% of the time.
*CHEESE likes to eat Christmas tree tinsel.
*CHEESE likes to sleep on hard surfaces, like boxes and tables.
*CHEESE once fell in love with a Tarantula named "Reggie."
*If you ever get to meet CHEESE and SME, you guys will probably hit it off right away.
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