THE LOST & FOUND INTERVIEW

"Brooklyn" Shawnie is an unemployed musician and landscape artist. Lost & Frowned caught up with him recently at his father's home in Crown Heights, Brooklyn.


shawniedad

L&F: What do you do for fun, Brooklyn Shawnie?
BS: I chill.


L&F: You have a unique look. Who does your hair?
BS: My Dad helps me with some of the real tough knots--he doesn't really have a soft touch, though.


L&F: Describe your relationship with your father.
BS: My father is…my father is…well, let's just say--he's a difficult man--let's just put it that way. Some people can serve in the military and then make the transformation into civilian life, others have certain problems.


L&F Are you seeing anyone right now?
BS: I have a few lady friends, so to speak. I'm trying to build myself a real nice stable of bitches. Ya know, real pretty ones that smell like my Mom.


L&F: Are you really from Brooklyn?
BS: What does the hat say, here? " BROOKLYN." Thank you, next question.


mtv L&F: But you seem to have a Southern accent…
BS: That's from my Dad.


L&F: He grew up in the South?
BS: Nope, born and raised in Crooklyn, baby.


L&F: What scares you?
BS: (long pause) What scares me is the constant reminder that as a nation, we can find the compassion and generous disposition to help out other countries with their problems, yet our own homeless problem seems to go unnoticed as though it's someone else's mess to clean up. That, and my Dad really scares the shit out me when he gets mad.


L&F: Have you ever been in love?
BS: (laughs) Every time I look in the mirror. You see, I have a picture of my late Mother on my mirror. I usually move it out of the way so I can look at myself, and that's when I fall in love. What's up.

L&F: What's the last great book you read?
BS: I like books about raves. I've just finished the final installment of Samuel Beck's Rave The Last Dance For Me. It's the definitive collection of books about raves. Sam really knows how to paint the picture, ya know. Not too bad for a 15 year old.


raves L&F: What living person do you admire the most?
BS: Jesus.
L&F: Jesus Christ?
BS: No, Jesus who sells ices on my corner. I like to get a coconut/cherry combo. I usually just yell it out from my window. "Hey-zeus, hook ol' Brooklyn Shawnie up with his special combo, you dirty mutha sucka!"


L&F: What's your idea of a "dream" job?
BS: Pro Bathtub Skater. Or the dude in Vaudeville who pulls people off stage with that big-ass hook.


bathtub L&F: What's your favorite curse word?
BS: The "Tain't."
L&F: The "Tain't?"
BS: The "Tain't" is that part that's between your balls and your a-hole. Ya know, tain't quite your balls and tain't quite your a-hole. That weird little space.
L&F: That's not really a curse word.
BS: I know, but I just love it when the ladies start poking around there. What's up.



L&F: Have you ever been convicted of a crime?
BS: Another probing inquiry like that and I'll be busted for beatin' down on your suck ass, bitch. Next question.


L&F: What do you look for in a woman?
BS: Tits.


turkey L&F: If you were a sport, what sport would you be?
BS: I'd be whatever you'd call the sport of kickin' the poop out of people that ask retarded questions, man!


L&F: What was the best lie you ever told?
BS: That I have a small penis. It never works though. You can tell just by looking at me that I'm hung like an African Grazing Elephant. (coughs) I get that from my Dad.


L&F: Do you have any enemies?
BS: None that are breathing. What's up.


L&F: What advice would you give to young people today?
BS: I'd say, get yourself one of those sweepers with the mini-broom and the dustpan on the stick. Like the kind they use in restaurants, y'know? The kind where somethin' falls on the floor and the guy comes by real fast with the sweeper, and you're like, "whoa--what was that? A ninja? Where'd all the dirt go?"


steveaustin L&F: Which do you prefer: boxers or briefs?
BS: None of the above. Free ballin' baby!


L&F: What's your greatest accomplishment?
BS: Not getting my boys stuck in my zipper. Hey, how am I getting paid for this?


--Photos by Griff






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